“I like me better with Jesus”, I saw this simple phrase today and it pretty much summed up my life. My life has taken so many plot twists and turns and ups and downs lately. I thought I was on a physical roller coaster. I was frantically searching for the exit, pressing all kinds of emergency stop buttons. However, in all my panic mode I knew without a doubt, that even in this madness and mess it was better with Jesus in it. I held on tightly and sometimes blindly trusting that soon enough He’ll calm the storm. I knew that if I let go, I would drown. I would drown in my sorrows, drown in my bitterness, drown in unforgiveness and drown in self-pity. If there is anything I disdain more, it would be self-pity.
I remember laying down and feeling the darkness heavy around me. I thought and to some extent I still do, that I can’t see my way through. I realized I don’t even know the way. All the logical and biblical steps didn’t apply. I felt the big red obnoxious question mark hanging over my head. As if at any moment the dot would fall and crush me. Yet even then I knew that the answer was Jesus. That day by day He would provide for me.
“Who’s following whom, I thought you were supposed to be following me?”.
I realized at this moment He is teaching me to surrender. I needed to surrender my idea of love and submit to Him. I needed to surrender my ideas about justice and submit to His. If I’m being honest, I questioned God. I felt if God would just do things my way it’ll be better. It was then in the quiet night at a women’s retreat He answered me. In my head, He said, “Who’s following whom, I thought you were supposed to be following me?”. I had a DUH moment, not an AHA but a duh. The kind a toddler would say when exasperated and the answer was obvious. I knew
then as I know now no matter where or how my life ends up “I like me better with Jesus”. He really is super awesome, and gentle, and merciful and you should totally follow Him. You don’t need a phone or a social media account. Just call on Him. You’ll be surprised to know He’s right there with you and you’ll like you better with Him too