“I like me better with Jesus”, I saw this simple phrase today and it pretty much summed up my life. My life has taken so many plot twists and turns and ups and downs lately. I thought I was on a physical roller coaster. I was frantically searching for the exit, pressing all kinds of emergency stop buttons. However, in all my panic mode I knew without a doubt, that even in this madness and mess it was better with Jesus in it. I held on tightly and sometimes blindly trusting that soon enough He’ll calm the storm. I knew that if I let go, I would drown. I would drown in my sorrows, drown in my bitterness, drown in unforgiveness and drown in self-pity. If there is anything I disdain more, it would be self-pity.
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These days the idea of staying seems to be a mockery of my present circumstances. It really seems like Life is going nowhere fast. I’ve found myself contemplating how the phrase “I’m in my thirties” came to be. Don’t get me wrong I’ve wanted to be thirty for a long time. Thirty to me was the golden age. The age of accomplishment. The age of finally living out dreams that were dreamt in mind of an adolescent me. I feel like I’ve toiled the soil and planted the seeds and watered…and no growing. At least that’s how I feel. I see no leaves, no fruit, no flowers just dirt.
However in this place of peace I realized that there’s so much more going on under the dirt. Processes that are tedious and long but necessary in order to bloom. The rolling hills of San Miguel at Mighty Oaks reminds me that God is here in the Hills and valleys of my life. He is present in what I believe is stagnation. Yet it really is a testing of my Faith. Here overlooking these Hills I realize that sometimes “Faith lies in my willingness to stay a difficult course”. Not sure if any of you struggle with staying and waiting but if you do please feel free to share below.